Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
of course. lets lasso hookers.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
