This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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