im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
