One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
