So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
