Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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