dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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