Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
