I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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