If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
