I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
