conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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