just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
