I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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