Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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