So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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