erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
