I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
