I looked at my own cervix.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
