If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
