can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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