we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
