I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
