she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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