No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
