yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
