Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
