i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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