so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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