Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
