he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
