I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
