He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
