I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
only you would photoshop your dick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
