We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
