we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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