he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
