Non-Jews are for practice
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
