I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im six kinds of drunk right now
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
