There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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