Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
should my penis look like a turkey
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
