dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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