Whod you bang
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
