Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
