do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
