Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
