sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
