the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
