girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
