I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
