You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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