in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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