Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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