and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
