dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
