Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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