so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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