I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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