I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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