he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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