dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
