You don't have asthma, your pregnant
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
