I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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