Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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