dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
