I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
