I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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