and i looked up. we had an audience...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
