I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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